a bit of controversy

should grandparents have visitation rights. this topic is all over the web - I know this b/c I think I read almost all that is out there. My insane father is planning to take me to court to have visitation with my son. I won't get into the reasons why as it is slightly irrelevant (just know that I have them and will likely blog about them another time). It is no one's decision but mine as to who my son sees or doesn't see. In order for my father to win his ridiculous case, he would have to prove me 'unfit' and that my son is suffering by not seeing his grandfather. I am currently not speaking to him but was hopeful that down the line we would be able to see each other from time to time. After this, I don't ever want to see or talk to him unless its in front of a judge. today's mood: bitter.

does good prevail over evil

I've wonder so much lately at what point does forgiveness just not happen? I consider myself a very forgiven person. I have forgiven the man I was 'supposed' to marry as he marched his steps towards sobriety. I have forgiven the man that left me alone and pregnant. I have also forgiven a best friend who slept with my 'kinda' boyfriend in the room next to mine. How does one forgive a parent? I think if I were a kid then forgiveness would come a lot easier without a lot of thought. You trust and love that parent so unconditionally that it's easy to move on in mere minutes. As an adult of 30+ years, it is a whole lot harder as we see deep into them and realize that sometimes not everything can be forgiven. A trust between a parent and child is not one to be taken lightly. I feel like the trust my son has in me - to cloth him, feed him, keep him safe are the most basic, but then it gets to the next level of the trust that I will be there, keep his secrets and fears, hold him when he's sad and push him to be his best. Sometimes parents are just not capable of all of those things and they do the best the can - but when a parent purposely tries and succeeds in hurting their child (even an adult one) - I'm not sure that can be as easily forgiven. At what point do you stop trying to forgive and move on?

threats, threats and more threats

whoa. what a day. today I got a voicemail from estranged dear old dad that he is going to take me to court for visitation rights of my 5 year old. wow. Ok, so 3 lawyers later and I hear the same thing... he has no rights. My father is just trying to intimidate me and I dunno... it was working for a bit. I mean, that I'm still uneasy, but more confident. He thinks that I'm weak and he's right sometimes. I think we all have a spot that people can get to and it's only our most trusted ones that know this weakness. I guess my father was in that 'circle of trust' for some time now and knows that my weakness will always be my son. Low blow on his part and he just blew any chance of reconciliation. A bad thing about me is that once I remove you from my life - you almost never make your way back. My folks divorce will hopefully move along, but I know in the back of my head that I will always have this tiny bit of me that will wait for the other shoe to drop. I hate that my own father could want me to have this fear and it only hits home all the more as to why I have taken him out of my life.